Pray? or Be Still?

Life is rough. 

Sometimes we don't know if we are coming or going.  We don't know if we are to stay or to move.  Do we pray without ceasing or are we to Be still and know He is God?

That is my conundrum for today.

I was out walking this morning - yes it was wet out, little foggy and misty, but I won't melt I promise!  I've found lately that I just am not connecting during my time with the Lord.  I don't have any direction - I feel like I'm a flag flapping in the wind, tossed to an fro.  Walking the last few mornings has helped me to at least talk to God.  If I stay in the house I all of a sudden develop ADHD....I can't focus on any one thing for 2 seconds!

So Gods word tells us to pray without ceasing.  That doesn't mean we need to be on our knees, prostrate before the Lord.  But, to continually be in conversation with him throughout our day.   But we are also told to be still and know he is god.  These two verses caused me some confusion and anguish this morning.

I've prayed and prayed about my professional life for several years now.  I dream of someday having a job I love going to.  I have heard it said if you love what you do you never "work" a day in your life.  I don't know that feeling.  I never have.  And I want that.  I am about to be an empty nester.  I'm proud of my kids.  They have dreams that they are pursuing.  I've always been strong.  Tough mom.  Independent.  I rarely cried in front of my kids.  But now I'm a sappy mess.  My oldest has been away for three years and sometimes a text from him brings me to tears.  I miss him so much and I worry that I won't mean as much to him as he builds his own family and becomes part of another one.  My youngest is about to embark on his college career.  He is my side-kick.  We are together all the time.  He won't tell me he loves me. He won't let me hug him.  I know he loves me but I need to hear it.  More now than I ever have.  
I'm trying to sell my house.  Where will I live?  Will I stay here or move?  What is on the horizon?

I pray about so many things and sometimes I fee like a whiner!!  Then I get scared God is tired of hearing from me.  He told me to be still, yet I am told to pray without ceasing.  An oxymoron if you ask me.  Pray but be quiet!!!  :-)

So, what are we to do?  We are supposed to do both.  My problem is the worry that I stick in between praying and being still....I pray and then I'm supposed to be still.  But, instead, I'm letting it swirl above my head.  Dirty, messy, trashy stuff going a mile a minute over me.  I don't have peace because of my worry.  

So I'm gonna pray - and then I'm gonna really really work on that being still part.  Its so hard.  But, if I want the mess to settle, I don't really have a choice do I?

maybe some time on the beach in a few weeks will give me some of that peace.  Lets pray it does...

thanks for listening - pray for me, I need it!