Jesus Loves Me

Jesus loves me
This I know
For the Bible tells me so....

We've all heard and even sang this song.  We learned it as small children and it brings back memories when we hear it as adults.  Recently I heard a sermon about His love for me.  The problem is - I've never believed it!

Yes, you heard me right.  I  never believed Jesus loves me.  I grew up in a church that taught me to FEAR God.  If I didn't do things just right I would be punished.  God would withhold my blessings. If I had struggles in life it was because I didn't have enough faith or I had sin in my life that needed to be found out.  

I FEARED Jesus. 

To be honest, I've lived my life in fear. 

Fear that if I sin, he will keep my blessings from me.

Fear that if I sin, he will punish me.

Certain that my life feels like I'm on a merry go round because of some hidden sin that I haven't confessed.

So, when I was told a few weeks ago that Jesus loves me....I didn't buy it!  

We sang that song - and it brought me to tears.  I went forward and knelt at the altar and cried many tears.  Because I want to be loved.  I want to FEEL loved.  I want to know that I"m LOVEABLE.

If you know me, you know I will do anything for you.  I will help those who need help.  I'm always there for others when they need me.  I will pray for you in a heartbeat.  But, I wonder why I don't offer myself the same courtesy?  Why am I so hard on myself?  Why have I convinced myself I'm not good enough to be nice to?  I say horrible things to myself - and believe them.  Why?  Because I don't feel loved.  I haven't most of my life.  Now, I'm not talking about love from a man.  I just haven't felt good enough at all.  But, Jesus laid down his life for ME!  If I was the only human alive he would have done it for ME!  

Jesus love ME! This I need to KNOW.  I need to let it seep into my fearful heart and let his love melt the rough edges.  I've lived my whole life TRYING too hard to be loved.  He loves me just as I am.  I don't have to change to be loved by Jesus.  We often have to DO something or BE someone we aren't to be loved by humans - but in my roughest, dirtiest, crummiest state - Jesus loves me.

That is a revelation.  That is freeing.  That is comforting.  It soothes my soul.  Jesus loves me, this I know....