I got this.
I can do this on my own.
I don't need you.
I can make my own decisions.
I KNOW we do that to God. We treat him like a Jeanie in a bottle. We sit him on a shelf and tell Him we will call on him only when we need something, otherwise, we GOT THIS.
We want to forge our own path. We want to do our own thing. Make our own choices. But, if we need something, that's when we call on Him, expecting him to be there ready to hand out what we need.
I imagine God sitting in Heaven, feeling much like we do as parents. We watch our children forge their own way. We watch them walk away from us saying they are grown and can do it by themselves. They put us on a shelf like we do God, as if we are there only for a rainy day. How God's heart must hurt when we turn away from him. I know He patiently sits and waits. I must patiently sit and wait. We tell God he's too demanding. Its too hard to follow Him. He has too many rules. Too many expectations. So, we walk away. But, we want him there in the background for when things get rough. Oh how it must hurt him. Now, I know that hurt. Its kept me up at night.
I guess the lesson here is as that change we must change. The great thing though is that God never changes. That is why He is God. We let them go as He lets us go. We say things that I know grieve our Father. Maybe now I will think more about Him and my actions because of what I'm going through with my own children. But, just as God does, I will sit and wait. I will continue to wait but in my waiting I will move forward with my own life. I will see what is ahead for me and see where God wants me to go, what He wants me to change and what He wants me to do. Its a difficult season and I'm thankful God is patient with me.
For now, I will try to rest in knowing I'm in good company on those nights when I can't sleep. He is with me. He knows what I'm going through. He knows how I feel. That's what is so great about God. There is nothing we experience that He hasn't experienced, so he knows how we feel. Its a new season for everyone. Painful - Yes. Impossible - No.