Tuesday, September 9, 2014

Searching


A full moon.

A clear sky.

A cool morning.

A heart searching for direction.

This was my morning...I vowed not to cry.  It makes my eyes puffy and tired.   I told God I wouldn't cry.  Then I sat down, bowed my head, and began to sing:

God you are my God
And I will ever praise you
Oh God you are my God
and I will ever praise you.

I will seek you in the morning
I will learn to walk in your ways
and step by step you lead me
and I will follow you all my days.

I didn't make it.  I cried.  A Lot.  My soul feels empty.  As barren as that full moon.  Why?  Why have I lost my footing?  Where is God leading me when I feel as if I'm not moving?  

Have you ever felt that way?  As if you are stuck in your circumstances and you see no way out?  You pray and seek God, you face the difficulties, the loneliness, the dwindling finances and mounting bills, the sickness, the heart break - and you wonder where He is in the midst of all of it...

Its where I've been for a while now.  I started 2014 off with a bang.  The year of Stacie.  Nothing was going to take my eyes off of my goals and what God wanted me to do.  Then something and someone did.  I got derailed and I've been unable to get back on track.  Has that ever happened to you?  What do you do in those circumstances? 

I have found all I can do is bow my head and be open and sincere with my Father in Heaven.  I pour out my feelings unabashed.  I feel no shame in my fear, in my discontent, in my sorrow...for He has been there too.  I have gotten off track and yet I know He is still  with me and hears me.  I know that in my failure there is meaning and a lesson to be learned.  In my waiting, I must choose to grow closer to Him.  

I share this today- being completely vulnerable to you - because I know I'm not alone.  I know others feel the same at times.  I know that God is leading me places and I don't know how to get there.  I have to rely on him completely.  

Surrender.

Trust.

Belief.

God will use this time of uncertainty for His good.  In His time.

Until then - God you are my God and I will EVER praise you!

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