Wednesday, August 6, 2014

Words...oh how they can hurt


I was in college - I think it was my sophomore year.  My grandma, whom I loved dearly, was in the hospital.  I took a weekend and went to visit her.  She had quite the sense of humor and I spent many summers with her and my grandpa at their small lake cottage.  Mom needed their help so she didn't have to pay for daycare.  So, I grew close to my grandparents.

I remember distinctly bending down to give her a hug to say goodbye, and she whispered in my ear "you'd be so pretty if you'd lose weight".  The words still pierce my heart today.  I know she meant those words to encourage me to lose weight, but I heard "you aren't pretty now, but you could be if..."
I have been on a roller coaster of  ups and downs since then, trying to lose the weight so I would be pretty.  

I share this so you can see the power of the tongue.  Words meant to inspire hurt instead.  Words meant to encourage can be painful.  

Sticks and stone can break my bones, but words can never hurt me.  You remember that don't you?  On the playground at school as a child, someone says something mean, you come back with that phrase.  But, inside, you are hurt.   Sticks and stones can bruise your body for a few days, but words can bruise your soul for a lifetime.  Your heart suffers from the deadly shrapnel of painful phrases.

Proverbs 18:21 The tongue has the power of life and death.

When people speak against us, we have a choice to make.  We can accept what they say, or we can reject those words as lies from the devil.  

What are some phrases that are etched in your mind?  "You aren't good enough", "Why aren't you married yet?", "Did you mean to do that to your hair" (recently said to my son by kids at CHURCH!)..."why can't you do anything right?" "you are the biggest disappointment to me"

Those words hurt.  My son was hurt.  What was said to him he compared to bullying.  But, one friend came up to him and said "Do you like it? People are afraid of change, but you aren't.  Its great that you are being different - and individual.  Who cares what they say".  He was confident enough to walk with his head high, but inside I know he was hurt. 

Life-giving phrases - do you remember any of those?  "I'm so proud of you"  "I'm so thankful for you".

Gracious words are like honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.  Prov 16:24

We can't control what others say about us, but we can control what we believe.  We may be rejected by men, but we are affirmed by God.  God says we are perfect in His sight.  God says he loves us with an everlasting love.  God says we are fearfully and wonderfully made. 

I know my grandma didn't mean to hurt me with her words.  I know she loved me.  I have allowed those words to take up residence in my heart and my mind for years.  I am working on releasing those words, and knowing that I am worthy and loved and beautiful just as I am.  I know God loves me and made me who I am and I am His masterpiece.   When I start to negative self-talk, I turn to God's word and what He says about me....and I turn to those who love me as I am and soak up their life-giving words of affirmation.   When someone tells me I'm beautiful, I try to accept it now, not reject it as false.  When someone tells me they love me, I let that sink into my heart, because love is not based on my size or my weight, but on who I am and WHOSE I am. 

Today, give words of encouragement, not negative or hurtful.  Give them to yourself and to others.  

"I am a new creation in Christ, the old has gone.  the new has come"

"I have everything I need.  God is my source of joy and life"

"I have all the faith I need for this.  Who are you to come against my God?  Today my God will give me victory"

You have power to create life through your words.  You also have the power to take life using lethal language.  The choice is yours.

IT'S ALL A MATTER OF WHAT YOU SAY AND HOW YOU SAY IT.

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